Holding Hands

I was browsing the New York Times again today and came across an article on holding hands. It got me thinking about the simple act of holding hands and who I have held hands with. There is, of course, my parents and other important adults when I was a child. My friend Soli and I used to hold hands all the time in high school without a second thought. I've held hands with teammates and previous boyfriends. Nowadays I hold hands with my husband and my niece and nephew.

In the article a sociology professor from NYU says that hand holding is "less about sex than about a public demonstration about coupledom.” Until I read this article I hadn't noticed that I always attributed hand holding to romantic couples, but the quote spurred me to make the above list and I realize that, for me, holding hands really isn't about sex, or even coupledom, as much as making a connection. Soli and I were certainly not making a statement about a sexual relationship - there wasn't one to make a statement about. But we were great friends and it felt right that we would hold hands. I never really thought about why, but Tiffany Field from the University of Miami says that “based on what we’ve seen, when we get more physical intimacy we get better relationships," so maybe our hand-holding has something to do with why Soli and I are still friends.

In Cameroon it is customary for a men to walk down the street holding hands and everytime I saw it I couldn't help but smile. They were happy men who were sharing a connection and a friendship. Anytime someone was showing you the way somewhere, they would lead you by the hand. As a result, Greg spent quite a bit of time walking around holding other men's hands. We were at a fair and a woman came up and started talking to me and immediately grabbed my hand. She took me around to the booths and I loved it because I felt welcome, accepted, and safe. It was one of the many cultural aspects that I wish I could incorporate into my life at home (I came home with about a million).

This summer I was sitting at the Cup and Saucer restaurant on Hawthorne in Portland with Megan and I saw two women walking down the street holding hands. As we are in America where holding hands does equate coupledom and we were near the epicenter of Portland's lesbian community, I felt a sense of pride that these women felt safe enough in the environment to make a public connection with thier partner. Perhaps they were just friends and not a couple - I don't know. Either way, it made me happy.

The article points out that "to hold someone’s hand is to offer them affection, protection or comfort. It is a way to communicate that you are off the market. Practically speaking, it is an efficient way to squeeze through a crowd without losing your partner. People do it during vigils, marches, weddings and funerals." I would add that it is a way to tell your partner that your attention is on them and you're not afraid to let others know about this connection. Like when Jordan Catallano grabbed Angela's hand in the hallway after months of making out in the boiler room (My So-Called Life, people).

New research has "'found that holding the hand of really anyone, [makes] your brain work a little less hard in coping,” Dr. Coan said, adding that any sort of hand-holding relaxes the body." Furthermore, “if you’re in a really strong relationship, you may be protected against pain and stress hormones that may have a damaging effect on your immune system.”

So what is the moral of this little posting? Go out and hold someone's hand. Grab your partner's hand, your kid's, a friend's, or perhaps a stranger's that is in need of some support (but make sure they won't bop you on the head for it).