Quite a while ago I did a posting about nothing in particular and I think I will do it again. Just write and see what comes out.
1. I have been a bad blogger lately and it really only matters to perhaps two people in the whole world. The first one is Ebeth, but we IM fairly frequently, so I don't think she cares when I don't post. The other one is, well... I don't know, but someone else probably cares. Back when I used to look at who looked at my blog I had a frequent reader from Texas, so perhaps that person missing my musings. I doubt it though. They've probably moved on to bigger and better blogs.
2. I went to a psychic a while ago. Do you remember? I think I have referenced it a few times. Anyway she told me that I would go to Hawaii next year. I thought this was weird because while I wouldn't kick Hawaii outta bed, it is not necessarily high on my list (Thailand is totally kicking Hawaii's ass in regard to the next beach I want to go to - after Spain, of course). It turns out that she was a little off because my brother just got a new job (yea!) and will be traveling to Hawaii four times a year. I think it is pretty interesting that the psychic got my brother and I confused. What I care more about, though, is that my brother stole my trip to Hawaii. It's like we're kids again and he swiped my new toy. All of a sudden I really want to go to Hawaii.
3. Greg works a lot. We all know that. He averages 60-70 hours a week. Needless to say I don't see him much. However, we were lucky enough to spend some time together recently and I have to say, I really like him. He's a fun guy. It's not like I forget that I like/love him. Obviously that's not the case. But it does sometimes catch me off guard how much I really like just hanging out with him and I would like to do it more.
4. In order to see Greg I had to drive to Whittier last weekend. If you recall, Whittier is a town about an hour south of Anchorage and through a 3 mile one-way tunnel that cuts through a mountain. You can enter the town at the half hour and exit on the hour from the hours of 9-5. Land is limited so everyone lives/stays in one 15 story building. No joke - it is the condos, apartments, hotel, and bed and breakfast. Anyway, I wanted to spend some time with Greg so I drove down when I got done teaching on Saturday afternoon. We were given the Safari Suite. However, the only safari element was one painting of a baby tiger in what looked like a studio setting. The rest of the decorations were orcas and watercolors of Southwest architecture. We ate dinner at the only restaurant and when I ordered the cheeseburger he told me to make sure it was cooked all the way through and would not expand on why this was important.
5. This semester is killing me. It is mostly my fault because I accidentally bit off more than I could comfortably chew when I was offered another class late in the game. There is also an indescribable element that makes me feel like pulling my hair out and I cannot wait until it is all done and I can stop feeling like I want to hide under a rock.
6. It has been over 30 degrees all week. Things are starting to melt and I can now walk outside without fearing that my ears will fall off.
7. Kribi is getting fat but Greg doesn't want me to talk about it with you because it might give the little guy a complex.
Thursday, March 29
Thursday, March 15
Feed Me!
I adore my friend Martha. She is wonderful in the all ways there are to be wonderful. When we were in college she made me a cake on my birthday. She let me live with her a summer. She is completely supportive of me and has always been a perfect friend. So, when she told me about this program to Reset my body and raved about how great it was I jumped at the opportunity. The point of the 5-day program is to put your body in a place where it no longer craves those things that are bad for you. Martha even quite smoking after doing it and I figured, if she could quit smoking, I could surely stop wanting ice cream.
On Sunday Greg and I started the program. It has been horrible. Greg has alternated between feeling good and feeling hungry. I, on the other hand, have been tired, cranky, and hungry. Here is a synopsis of my days:
Day 1: Greg went to Seward and I was home alone. I wanted to go do some work, but couldn't have tea so couldn't go to a coffee shop. It was too cold to go for a walk. I cleaned the house and then got very, very tired. I spent the evening whining to myself about how tired I felt and how upset my stomach was.
Day 2: Second easiest day of the ordeal but I was really, really cranky and hungry. I tried the vanilla shake and it took me 30 minutes to drink it becuase it made me want to vomit.
Day 3: My stomach really hurt and I called Martha to whine. She was supportive. I wanted to quit and Greg wouldn't let me. I felt desperate.
Me (holding Kribi): You know how getting kittens was, like, the greatest thing we could have done and they have given me eons of happiness?
Greg (suspiciously): Yeah...
Me: That is the exact opposite of our decision to do this stupid Reset thing. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me (and at that moment, I really meant it).
Day 4: In retrospect, the easiest day. Anything would have been better than day 3. This is not to say it was easy. Had a 9 hour work day and had to fight tooth and nail not to be mean to people. It seems like everywhere I turned there was food. I was watching tv last night because I had no brain power to do anything else and do you realize how many commercials there are for food and how many characters eat or talk about eating? I was also taken aback by all those skinny actresses and thinking about how their lives must be hell because they eat a similar diet to what I had been eating EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
Day 5: Today. I was trying to help a student and I actually almost fell over. Things went fuzzy and I was having a hard time concentrating on the paper in front of me. I am hungry. I am tired. I am in the middle of a 10 hour work day. I just want to go home and eat.
Martha said that I was supposed to have better concentration - she did, I didn't
Martha said that I would stop wanting bad food - any food sounds good to me. Pizza, broccoli, whatever. Bring it.
It's not Martha's fault. It worked so well for her that she is doing it again. I feel like I have been tortured and have lost 5 good days of my life. On the up side, I now know how long 5 days can be.
Maybe I'll be more positive once I get some solid food in me. Ooohhh. Solid food.
On Sunday Greg and I started the program. It has been horrible. Greg has alternated between feeling good and feeling hungry. I, on the other hand, have been tired, cranky, and hungry. Here is a synopsis of my days:
Day 1: Greg went to Seward and I was home alone. I wanted to go do some work, but couldn't have tea so couldn't go to a coffee shop. It was too cold to go for a walk. I cleaned the house and then got very, very tired. I spent the evening whining to myself about how tired I felt and how upset my stomach was.
Day 2: Second easiest day of the ordeal but I was really, really cranky and hungry. I tried the vanilla shake and it took me 30 minutes to drink it becuase it made me want to vomit.
Day 3: My stomach really hurt and I called Martha to whine. She was supportive. I wanted to quit and Greg wouldn't let me. I felt desperate.
Me (holding Kribi): You know how getting kittens was, like, the greatest thing we could have done and they have given me eons of happiness?
Greg (suspiciously): Yeah...
Me: That is the exact opposite of our decision to do this stupid Reset thing. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me (and at that moment, I really meant it).
Day 4: In retrospect, the easiest day. Anything would have been better than day 3. This is not to say it was easy. Had a 9 hour work day and had to fight tooth and nail not to be mean to people. It seems like everywhere I turned there was food. I was watching tv last night because I had no brain power to do anything else and do you realize how many commercials there are for food and how many characters eat or talk about eating? I was also taken aback by all those skinny actresses and thinking about how their lives must be hell because they eat a similar diet to what I had been eating EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
Day 5: Today. I was trying to help a student and I actually almost fell over. Things went fuzzy and I was having a hard time concentrating on the paper in front of me. I am hungry. I am tired. I am in the middle of a 10 hour work day. I just want to go home and eat.
Martha said that I was supposed to have better concentration - she did, I didn't
Martha said that I would stop wanting bad food - any food sounds good to me. Pizza, broccoli, whatever. Bring it.
It's not Martha's fault. It worked so well for her that she is doing it again. I feel like I have been tortured and have lost 5 good days of my life. On the up side, I now know how long 5 days can be.
Maybe I'll be more positive once I get some solid food in me. Ooohhh. Solid food.
Thursday, March 8
This is True Love and Maturity
Most of you know by now that sleeping is my nemesis. I swear I spend half of my life thinking about sleep, wishing I had slept well, and hoping that I will be able to sleep through the night. When my sleeping issues first started I would have anxiety attacks in the middle of the night and I would be lucky to sleep for a few hours. When I went to college the attacks subsided a little bit but I actually had to schedule nap time into my day in order to survive (strangely, because there is no pressure to sleep, I am good little napper). Once I started sleeping next to Greg my attacks almost disappeared, but he sleeps really hot and as a result I am often awake because it is simply too hot to sleep - so hot it feels like my bones are on fire and cannot possibly be room temperature ever again. Bottom line: the last time I slept through the night was last spring when I woke up with a stranger on my couch. Most nights I physically get out of bed several times a night and while I may be in my room for 8-10 hours a night I never sleep that much.
Last weekend my aunt and cousin came up for the start of the Iditarod. The night they headed back to the lower 48, Greg was sent to Seward to work for a week. I was exhausted from my hosting/work duties and slept well in the middle of the bed. That was Monday night. Tuesday night I went to sleep at midnight and woke up at 8 feeling refreshed. I only woke up once and did not get out of bed at all. Last night I was feeling good. I had the special feeling of calmness that told me I would sleep well. I was excited and ready. I was asleep by 10:45.
At 12:30 all hell broke loose in my room. There were eight paws pounding across my head. Meows were running rampant. Kribi was leaping up walls and turning lights on. My response ranged from "please, kitties, stop." to "Shut the fuck up already and leave me alone!" Nothing worked. Kribi was the main problem and in an effort to not unnecessarily punish Limbe I gave Kribi a stern talking to and left him in the living room. He followed me back and continued his shenanigans. My deep breathing and efforts to limit my panic were not working. I got up and turned the lights on in order to catch them. They knew something was up so they dispensed under the bed (Kribi) and in the closet (Limbe). After finally finding them I locked them out of my room and fell back asleep.
Things were going fine until 5am. They were trying to break in. It was quiet at first, then the door started banging a bit. There were several large thumps that could only have been made by them running into the door at a dead sprint. I pushed my bathrobe between the floor and the bottom of the door to stop some of the play. Didn't help. I hit the door twice hoping to scare them away. It didn't. I finally let them back in (because I am weak) at 6. They sauntered in as if nothing were going on and 45 minutes later Kribi was sitting on my chest nose-to-nose with me asking me to pet him. I told him I was mad at him but he didn't care; he's persistent.
I was giving them the cold shoulder all morning while I was getting ready, but I don't think they noticed. I am tired this morning because I was in a battle last night. Do you know what I did anyway though? I cleaned their kitty litter. I hope they appreciate it and leave me alone tonight.
Last weekend my aunt and cousin came up for the start of the Iditarod. The night they headed back to the lower 48, Greg was sent to Seward to work for a week. I was exhausted from my hosting/work duties and slept well in the middle of the bed. That was Monday night. Tuesday night I went to sleep at midnight and woke up at 8 feeling refreshed. I only woke up once and did not get out of bed at all. Last night I was feeling good. I had the special feeling of calmness that told me I would sleep well. I was excited and ready. I was asleep by 10:45.
At 12:30 all hell broke loose in my room. There were eight paws pounding across my head. Meows were running rampant. Kribi was leaping up walls and turning lights on. My response ranged from "please, kitties, stop." to "Shut the fuck up already and leave me alone!" Nothing worked. Kribi was the main problem and in an effort to not unnecessarily punish Limbe I gave Kribi a stern talking to and left him in the living room. He followed me back and continued his shenanigans. My deep breathing and efforts to limit my panic were not working. I got up and turned the lights on in order to catch them. They knew something was up so they dispensed under the bed (Kribi) and in the closet (Limbe). After finally finding them I locked them out of my room and fell back asleep.
Things were going fine until 5am. They were trying to break in. It was quiet at first, then the door started banging a bit. There were several large thumps that could only have been made by them running into the door at a dead sprint. I pushed my bathrobe between the floor and the bottom of the door to stop some of the play. Didn't help. I hit the door twice hoping to scare them away. It didn't. I finally let them back in (because I am weak) at 6. They sauntered in as if nothing were going on and 45 minutes later Kribi was sitting on my chest nose-to-nose with me asking me to pet him. I told him I was mad at him but he didn't care; he's persistent.
I was giving them the cold shoulder all morning while I was getting ready, but I don't think they noticed. I am tired this morning because I was in a battle last night. Do you know what I did anyway though? I cleaned their kitty litter. I hope they appreciate it and leave me alone tonight.
Wednesday, March 7
Sshh! Don't Tell
I got a DVR because I teach on the same night that the new season of Dancing with the Stars is on.
Enough Already!
I've had it up to here with cold weather.
:::jumping up and down with my arm extended trying to reach as high as possible:::
There is a spike in suicides and divorce rates in Alaska in March and I know why. (There is no danger of either, I am just illustrating a point, so chill). Researchers say it is because people always say when spring comes things will be better and then spring comes and things aren't better. I have been saying this to myself for a while - once it gets lighter and warmer I will feel better. Baby, it aint happenin. We now have sunlight over 10 hours a day, which is very helpful - I am able to get out of bed without crawling into the shower too tired to weep. But it is still unbearably cold and I have lost my patience with waiting to be warm. February was brutal and didn't snow at all. I woke up to a forcast of a foot of snow and was horrified when I stepped outside and I was freezing and the wind had still not let up. I just want to walk outside without wanting the bitch-slap the weather.
In case you haven't noticed, I still really don't like it here. The only thing I can do is quote Cordelia: I have lost all will to cheerlead
:::jumping up and down with my arm extended trying to reach as high as possible:::
There is a spike in suicides and divorce rates in Alaska in March and I know why. (There is no danger of either, I am just illustrating a point, so chill). Researchers say it is because people always say when spring comes things will be better and then spring comes and things aren't better. I have been saying this to myself for a while - once it gets lighter and warmer I will feel better. Baby, it aint happenin. We now have sunlight over 10 hours a day, which is very helpful - I am able to get out of bed without crawling into the shower too tired to weep. But it is still unbearably cold and I have lost my patience with waiting to be warm. February was brutal and didn't snow at all. I woke up to a forcast of a foot of snow and was horrified when I stepped outside and I was freezing and the wind had still not let up. I just want to walk outside without wanting the bitch-slap the weather.
In case you haven't noticed, I still really don't like it here. The only thing I can do is quote Cordelia: I have lost all will to cheerlead
Thursday, March 1
Then and Now
The way things are going it looks like I am never going to put non-formulaic content onto this blog. That is good for me. This way I don't have to try to justify my lack of writing prowess - only my lack of wit.
20 years ago (1987)
Age? 6
Were you in school? If so, where and for what?
Estacada Grade School. First Grade. Miss Vicki's class. Last classroom on the right. Charlie Brown bus.
What was I in school for? To learn how to read the word bulldozer. I recall that I was in the top reading group of the class and on open house I showed my parents our reading group's table and the book we were reading. I was very proud, you see, because I thought reading was super fun and I wanted to show my parents how grown-up I was. I recall my mom mentioning something to my dad about reading an impractical word like "bulldozer." I don't recall the context but know that I felt conflicted, although I am not sure why.
Where did you work?
At home. I had some chores I worked to ignore.
Where did you live?
E-S-T-A-C-A-D-A.What were your regular haunts?
EGS, home wandering around the 6 acres, and The Caz. Sometimes my mom and I would get soft-serve Vanilla ice cream from the ice cream place that has since been torn down that had cartoon characters on the rotating sign. When I was good my mom would take me to the only Chinese restaurant in town and I'd have sweet and sour pork.
Did you wear glasses?
nope.
Who was your best friend?
Erin.
How many tattoos did you have?
None!
How many piercings did you have?
None - I was too young to have my ears pierced.
What did you drive?
My mom would let me steer her old school Mercedes up our 1/2 mile driveway. Mostly I was chauffeured.
Had you been to a real party yet?
I went to a party at Skate World in Clackamas, does that count?
Heart broken yet?
no.
Status on the market?
No market in first grade. Although I do recall thinking that Johnny from the first grade class to the immediate left of Miss Vicki's as being very cute. I recall one moment when we were all going out to recess and I saw him. My memory has provided a soft lens and his sandy-blond hair was cropped short. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt - straight out of the 1950's. That moment is all I remember.
Ten years ago (1997)
Age?
16
Were you in school?
Yup. St. Mary's Academy - my all-girls, Catholic, college-prep high school.
Where did you work?
I didn't have an official job - but we'll count my athletic career as a job because I never had more than two weeks off in the summer.
Where did you live?
With my mom and Harold in their condo at Riverplace in downtown Portland.
What were your regular haunts?
gyms, SMA, Hot Lips Pizza, gyms, downtown Portland, gyms, coffee shops, friend's houses, KOIN or Broadway movie theatres
Did you wear glasses?
No way.
Who was your best friend?
Meredith
How many tattoos did you have?
none.
What did you drive?
My mom and step-dad's cars
Had you been to a real party yet?
Not really.
Heart broken yet?
Yeah. Worst of my life, too.
Status on the market?
On, but at an all-girls high school I might as well have been off.
Five years ago (2002)
Age? 21
Were you in school? If so, where and for what?
Yeah, I was in school. The University of Alaska Fairbanks, home of the Nanooks. 4 hours of sunlight and temperatures that didn't break 0 for 8 months. Very far away from home and a completely different culture = exactly what I was looking for.
Major: Communication
Minor: Women's Studies
Hobbies: Drinking
Where did you work?
I gave up my full athletic scholarship the year before, so the first part of the year I was working at my first real non-basketball or coaching related job: Sports Information Assistant. Maybe it wasn't that far away from basketball, but I did write a lot. The next fall I got a job with United Academics, which is more in line with what I do now.
Where did you live?
With Greg in a cabin with no water in the woods. Then it was sold (yes, people buy homes with no water in the woods) and we moved to the bottom floor of a duplex 2 doors down from my old coach during winter. And they say I haven't given Alaska a chance. HELLO! I lived on Yellow Snow Road for goodness sake.
What were your regular haunts?
UAF, the pub on campus, the Wood Center, the library, Gruening, the Red Fox.
Did you wear glasses?
Still had perfect vision.
Who were your best friends?
Greg and Heather
How many tattoos did you have?
None.
How many piercings did you have?
My ears and my belly button - which Todd and Jen took me to get in the East Village in NYC when I was 17.
What did you drive?
Banky - my first car. He's a white Toyota Tacoma extended cab pick-up truck.
I would sometimes ride in Grandma, Greg's Buick Lasabre that didn't have any heat. We had a whole bunch of wool blankets in there and it still was warmer outside the car than inside (remember that it was -20 below outside all the time).
Had you been to a real party yet?
Um, yes.
Heart broken yet?
yes.
Status on the market?
Off. I'd been with Greg for 2 years already.
As of today (2007)
Age
26 in 24 days
Are you in school? If so, where and for what?
I teach English/writing/liberal studies at two schools.
Where do you work?
see above
Where do you live?
I was reading the Anchorage Press a few weeks ago (the trying-to-be-hip weekly newspaper - like Willamette Week or the Mercury) and the cover story was whether it was easy to score drugs and prostitutes in Anchorage. The good news? The writers ended up in Fairview where they got some crack AND a hooker. Just a few blocks from our house! I was telling Greg that it saves the earth becuase we don't have to drive far to get our vices.
What are your regular haunts?
Home, work, Bear's Tooth, Kaladi downtown, Noble's Diner, Title Wave.
Do you wear glasses?
Alas, yes. I went to go get my driver's license renewed last summer and she wouldn't renew it because my eyes were too bad. It turns out that I can read for a lot longer without falling asleep, road signs are not as bad as I thought, and we do not need a new tv.
Who is your best friend?
Greg.
Ebeth/Lisa/Taya
Do you talk to your old friends?
Yes. I was in Mere's wedding this last summer and I saw Heather when I last went to Fairbanks.
Do you have a crush?
John Cusak/Lloyd Dobbler forever.
How many tattoos do you have?
one and it is perfect.
How many piercings do you have?
still the two
What do you drive?
Still have Banky. He is joined by Dorie, our Honda Accord that is now "my" car.
Have you been to a real party yet?
Lately? No.
Status on the market?
Off. The last time I was on the market was 6 years ago.
What? I have my babies - Limbe and Kribi. Greg tells me that I will love our own children more than the kittens, but I am not sure how that is possible.
EZBeth, if you wouldn't mind following my lead?
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