Books

I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone that I love books. I like reading them, I like touching them, I like looking at them, and I like buying them. I really like buying them. I love going into a bookstore and spending an hour or so perusing the titles, having narrowed down which ones I want to buy, sitting on the floor, walking around, and eventually walking out with a book that I am really, really excited about reading. Relatedly, I love sitting in front of my bookshelf and looking at the books I've read and remembering the story, the author, where I was when I read sections of it, and what was going on with me when I read it. It makes me happy.

When I left Alaska the first time to start grad school I sold most of my books because I didn't want to carry them all with me, I would move into a smaller place, and, hello, I would have plenty of new books. Then, when I moved back to Alaska after grad school, I sold a lot of my books, but took more than I probably should have. Right before I moved back to Portland I sold most of my books. Well, what I consider most of my books. In reality it was probably only a third of them, but it hurt me. I hate selling books just as much as I love buying them. It's like I am somehow selling a part of me. The $50 I got made me feel very, very cheap.

There are several things that must happen when one buys a new house and reassess one's finances. One of these things is finding ways to save money. For me, it is books. I have promised myself to stop buying books and it has been very hard already. I walked to the library three times, and it has been closed every time. The bookstore across the street was open and blinking expectantly at me. I quickly turned away with immense sadness and self-control. I am housesitting right now, and am reading the books there to keep me occupied. They're books that I would have never picked up on my own and I haven't been too disappointed but not overjoyed either. I did a finish the 500 page book in 4 days so it's not like it's painful, but...do you understand what I am getting at?

I don't really have a point (which is not all that uncommon for me), but I do think a lot about my current book freeze. I have purposfully taken something that gives me such pure joy and I think it makes me a little sad. At the same time, it is totally worth it. At least so far.